My lover is mine, and I am his.
    He browses among the lilies.
Before the dawn breezes blow
    and the night shadows flee,
return to me, my love, like a gazelle
    or a young stag on the rugged mountains.

Songs of Solomon 2:16-17

1. Listen

Be a good listener, pay close attention to what your partner is saying and respect your partner’s opinion even if not right. Ask clarifying questions and rephrase your partner’s statement to ensure understanding. Mark 4:24. James 1: 19-27

2. Psychological expectation

Think about what you want to say, list them out, say them clearly and directly, and spell out your expectation with achievable time. Be very sure of what you are saying, do not assume nor have a mind set.

4. Defensiveness

Do not be defensive. Make sure your discussion is meaningful and ends well.

3. Respect

Discuss in love with a friendly tone when your partner’s goal is in conflict with yours. Respect each other points of view. Be patient with yourself and your partner. Remember everybody wants to be valued and be respected. Psalm 133

Every moment we spend with our loved one is precious and invaluable. That’s where the relationship lives or dies. And a lot of those everyday moments are, for the most part, amazing.

5. Exemplary life

Take adequate steps to ensure your decision is carried out with results. Take action, talk less but listen. We love connecting with other people because it makes us happy. And good communication is the key when it comes to positive social interaction.

But what does a healthy conversation look like? How can you avoid overcommunicating.

One of the most important communication skills is listening. Deep, positive relationships can only be developed by listening to each other (Weger, Castle, & Emmett, 2010).

So if there is no communication in your relationship it may be due to the fact that there was no one truly listening while both of you were just trying to get a point across.

Be honest

Do not be selfish

Positive Psychology is all about flourishing in life. Finding solutions rather than trying to understanding problems. And while it is a human need to connect with others, most importantly we need to be connected with ourselves. So are you communicating with yourself as much as you are with others? What are they like, the conversations you have with yourself? Is your inner voice your best friend or your worst critic?

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another.

Romans 12:10

6. Be open minded

Having a flexible open mind before your conversation will help to understand your partner’s point of view and also produce more honest, productive conversations.

Open and clear communication can be learnt. Some people find it hard to talk and may need time and encouragement to express their views. These people may be good listeners, or they may be people whose actions speak louder than their words.

You can help to improve your communication by:

  • building companionship – sharing experiences, interests and concerns with your partner, and showing affection and appreciation
  • sharing intimacy – intimacy is not only a sexual connection. Intimacy is created by having moments of feeling close and attached to your partner. It means being able to comfort and be comforted, and to be open and honest. An act of intimacy can be as simple as bringing your partner a cup of tea because you can tell they are tired
  • being on the same page as your partner. It’s important that you and your partner are both in agreement on key issues in your relationship, such as how finances are distributed, what key goals you have and your parenting styles. 

7. Right time and place

Looking for the right time and place is also very important. It is not when any of you is angry, tired, under pressure or just coming from work. The best day is when the two of you free and happy.

8. Body Language

Your body language must be friendly to make you appear approachable to encourage your partner to speak openly with you. Paying attention to your partner’s nonverbal signal will also be very helpful to understand how he or she is comfortable with what you are saying. Watch for the hand gesture, eye contact, relaxed legs or open arms.

9. Solve the problem together

Respect each other’s talents, doing brainstorming sessions together to collaborate on solutions. Joint decision makes the two of you feel involved and invested in solving the problems and happy.

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Steps to Improving communication in marriage

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